Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Still dealing

Ok maybe I'm being too emotional about this whole thing, but I still can't stop thinking about him and crying. I'm trying to figure out how to get over the man of my dreams dumping me for no good reason.

Julie has to keep demanding that I not contact him until Day 3...which is tomorrow. But I already slipped up yesterday and texted him a few times. Maybe there's hope in the future for us, but how do I get through this time when I'm still dealing with the breakup? I miss him.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Goodbye, Love

Getting your heart broken really sucks. The thought of not being with him makes my stomach hurt and my eyes water. I've never really had this happen to me before. Usually I'm the one to break up with the other person. I've never felt so strongly for anyone in my life. He was as close to the perfect guy as I could have hoped for. I knew I wanted to be with him for a long, long time. We had so much fun together.

I wish I was an amazing enough person for him get over all of his issues and decide to be happy with me, but I'm not. Maybe some day if I keep working, I'll be that kind of a person. Until then it's back to being single. I don't know how I can ever be happy in a relationship with someone else.

We're talking again today after class, but I know it's going to be our last conversation as a couple. It's so painful to know how much this person cares for me, yet not want to be in a relationship with me. I wish he could have realized what he's giving up. Maybe one day he'll come around and we'll be able to be together. Excuse me while I go throw up.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Four Years Since My Mission

Being allhookedup's number one outgoing link is a lot of pressure for such a novice blogger as myself. But it is exciting knowing that people are reading my blog. So to not keep my readers waiting I decided it was time for my next post.

Monday, Nov. 21st, marked four years since I returned from my two-year mission from Spain. It made me think a bit about my experience and how much I miss Spain and the people I met while I was there. It also made me feel really old that I've been home twice as long as I was gone for. The mission represented a huge obstacle in my life that I had learing in front of me all through my teenage years. I knew that as soon as I got that part of my life over with I could finally start being the person I wanted to be. And slowly but surely I have made a lot of progress since getting back.

Reflecting on my mission always makes me think about whether or not I regret my decision to go. I went to keep my family proud of me and now, four years later the illusion that I created is now destroyed anyways. Was it really worth six more years of my family's approval? Definitely not worth it if that was the only thing I gained. I realize now that after leaving high school I should have been myself and not worry about what my family thought of me. But I don't think I was ready for that. I was really only ready to tell my family the truth after living in Ohio for a year. So I don't think it was worth making my family happy, but I did learn a lot about myself while I was out there. I learned how strong I was and that I could overcome anything that came my way. I mean who would have thought I'd be able to live without my family for two years just so that they would still love me? But two years passed miraculously and I was left with the good experiences that I had, while the bad experiences have largely faded from my memory. I loved seeing the sites and becoming fluent in Spanish. I also probably wouldn't think Shakira was so amazing. Living out of the U.S. gave me a whole different perspective on the world than I had before I left. So I don't really like to say whether or not I regret going, I just say that it happened and think about all the good things that came out of it.

I still keep in touch with several of my Spanish friends and have been back twice since I got home to visit them. After living there for two years it felt like my home away from home. I always miss Spain and know that I will return as often as I can throughout my life. My dream is to have own a house on the Cadiz coastline. We'll see what happens. Here's a picture of me in my mission clothes in a national park in Cadiz:

Someone asked for an update on Kip. I don't really want to talk too much about my relationship with him, but I will say that after a shaky weekend things are now really good between us again. We saw Rent on Monday and The Rocky Horror Show yesterday. We're going our separate ways for Thanksgiving but I hope that some day in the future we'll be spending the holidays together. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Trip to DC

Since we had Friday off of school and we just finished our Cardio division, Julie and I decided to head down to DC for the long weekend. She had friends from college down there and my brother and his family had just moved there for the Air Force. I hadn't seen him or his two children for two years so I was excited to spend time with them, though a little nervous since I hadn't seen them since I had come out to my family.

On Friday morning I went sightseeing around the Mall with them and Julie and her friend Sarah. My brother was acting very stern the whole time and didn't iniciate one piece of conversation with me. It was so uncomfortable. Luckily the kids were cute and my sister-in-law was nice, but it hurt that my brother acted that way towards me when we had always gotten along well together in the past. Well my sister-in-law told me that I could come down for Thanksgiving but I told her I didn't think I'd be able to.

I was glad to see Julie get plenty of action. It was weird watching someone else hook up while I pined away for Kip back home. He forgot his phone charger in Ohio while he was in Pennsylvania visiting a friend. So not only did I not get any sex, I couldn't even talk to my boy on the phone. At least I don't have to hide anything from him so that feels good.

On Saturday we went to Charlottesville to see UVa where Julie went to undergrad. It's pretty down there. I had a good time hearing about Julie's college life, eating at some of her favorite places and learning about the history.

Nothing else too exciting really happened. I just had a fun time bonding with Julie and meeting her friends that I hear so much about. I'm glad I was able to go with her. It's gonna be hard to leave Kip for ten days though when I go to Utah for Christmas, besides having to be around my whole family for that long.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


I'm proud to say that I voted yesterday, so I'm 3 for 3 in elections since I moved to Ohio. Things didn't go my way with Issues 2-5 which didn't pass but a lot of the Democrats won their races such as Lori Tyack(my friend Erik's roommate ran her campaign), Mary Jo Hudson(big lesbian) and Mary O'Shaughnessy(handed me Panera sandwiches after my triathlon this summer) plus Democrat governors won in Virginia and New Jersey so that's good.

Also yesterday the Provo District School Board passed a policy that will allow the Gay-Straight Alliance at Provo High School to continue meeting. What a pleasant surprise that the Board reacted this way instead of banning all noncurricular clubs.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Everything's coming up Dave

So my life has been going really well lately. I have lots of reasons to be happy. I reconnected with my sister-in-law Sage. She sent me a Halloween package with this funny note(which talks about giving blow jobs and stuff):

So I called her this week to thank her and we ended up talking for an hour. It was a great conversation and Sage filled me in on the family gossip and what they all think about me. The big topic of conversation was whether I drink or not since I was "such a big health nut". Well I informed her that I did, indeed, drink.

My other sister-in-law Darla finally wrote me back about me visiting them this weekend in DC. I haven't seen my brother or his family in over two years since they moved to Korea. I'm excited to go sightseeing with them on Friday.

But I guess the main reason why I'm so happy is because I finally met a guy that's worth settling down with and who wants to do the same with me. I could go on and on about how much I like Kip, but I think I'll spare you all and just say that I'm very lucky. Here's us with the pumpkins we carved on Halloween.